T.O.P's Interview with 10Asia

Choi Seung Hyun “I think that I’m a person that needs to be lonely”

Q. It’s Friday 4pm right now. It’s the best time of the day for those waiting for Saturday to come.

Choi Seung Hyun: I agree. They probably have drinking plans for the night too.

Q. What is Friday 4pm to Choi Seung Hyun? I heard that when you were filming ‘Commitment’, you filmed all night Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then you had a world tour on Friday.

CSH: It’s time for me to sleep in an airplane. It used to be like that for about a half year while I was filming ‘Commitment’. Personally, I like spending time alone. Because my career is not restricted with time, I don’t enjoy a specific time of the day. I think that’s why I like to spend time alone. I also think that it’s special.

Q. Have you always enjoyed spending time alone? Or did you start enjoying if after you started working?

CSH: I’ve always liked spending time alone since I was young, but now I’m starting to feel that the time spent alone is valuable too. If I don’t have the time to get my mind off of things, I get trapped in my own world. To prevent that from happening, I need time alone to reflect upon myself.

Q. Does your mental attitude change when you’re called Choi Seung Hyun from T.O.P?

CSH: I think that I am T.O.P both when I’m a singer and an actor. Neither aren’t real me. In my personal life, I am Choi Seung Hyun, but when I’m working, I’m T.O.P.

Q. Then why are you using the name Choi Seung Hyun in your acting career instead of T.O.P?

CSH: I wanted to act in the name of T.O.P. However, the film crew and the people around me told me that it would be better if I used the name Choi Seung Hyun. It would also look weird if my name is in English in the movie credits. But I still wanted to use the name T.O.P, so I asked them to include that in the film. If you look closely, it says T.O.P in brackets right next to the name Choi Seung Hyun.

Q. So you separate your personal life from work.

CSH: Yes… to be honest, I was worried that using the name Choi Seung Hyun might not look cool when I’m acting.

Q. What do you mean?

CSH: What I mean is that, I didn’t think that it would be cool to change my name when I’m acting. When the public sees me, they go like “It’s T.O.P!” not “It’s Choi Seung Hyun!” I’m not trying to switch careers, nor am I going to fully convert to acting, so I didn’t feel the need to change my name. I just wanted to express myself as T.O.P when I’m working as an artist.

Q. I believe that you would be meeting a lot of people as T.O.P rather than Choi Seung Hyun.

CSH: That’s true. But I try to build my human relationships in Choi Seung Hyun’s perspective. I am not the type to meet people as business partners. Because I’m not a businessman, nor a celebrity full of ambition, I try to approach people as Choi Seung Hyun.

Q. You don’t think that you are full of ambition.

CSH: I don’t have a lot of anxiety. Usually, a person full of ambition has a lot of anxiety and keeps on going for something non-stop. Compared to that, I am very calm. I am the type to wait rather than to get up and look for something. I just wait for my destiny and try to face it. I accept whatever I need to accept, and avoid anything that I need to avoid.

Q. How was it when you were faced with your destiny? Do you think that you’ve made good decisions?

CSH: I’ve never experienced a failure, but there are some regrettable moments. I have lots of moments when I think ‘If I had been a little less nervous’ or ‘If I had loosened up a little bit’.

Q. But you’ve become a member of Big Bang, then an actor. The destiny was on your side at important moments.

CSH: Yes, I think so. But I didn’t know back then. I didn’t realize how I lucky was to constantly switch back from filming all night to performing at concerts. Everything was so hard and exhausting. I realized it after it was all done. As far as I know, there aren’t very many teams other than Big Bang who have a world tour of that scale. And I also had the film crew, waiting for me in that situation. It’s a huge blessing to be able to do both.

Q. You must have some pride in yourself, but at the same time feel your responsibilities and some pressure. What is your motivation?

CSH: Responsibility. To be responsible, I try to have some pride in my self. But then if my self-confidence becomes to high, I would become indolent, so I try to force myself to be under some pressure. I always keep those in my mind and balance them.

Q. You said that you’ve never experienced a failure. I think it’s very important that you know that yourself.

CSH: I am always ready to confront a failure. To prevent myself from getting hurt.

Q. Do you think that you would be deeply wounded when you experience a failure?

CSH: No. Because I always have that on my mind, I don’t think I would be hurt.

Q. Nevertheless, what would be the one thing that you don’t want to fail at?

CSH: Umm…… (thinks for a long time) love. I don’t want to fail at love. It’s been a while since I was in a relationship. If my relationship with someone that I had finally found to love didn’t go well, I would be devastated. I would be overcome with shame.

Q. You are a romanticist Choi Seung Hyun.

CSH: I’m not like that because I’m shy, but I live in a mind of a fairy tale. I’m not realistic, and have lots of delusions. I’m the type to get deep into my own thoughts. I am assuming that I was born to be like this. (laughs) You know, like a destiny. I was born with the fate to agonize.

Q. Are you lonely?

CSH: I am lonely. I’ve been like that since I was young. But I think I am a person that needs to be lonely. Strangely, I don’t feel the energy when I’m not lonely. When I am abundant, in other words, when I have someone that I love next to me, I become very nervous and restless.

Q. Aw. Are you afraid that your happiness would end?

CSH: That too. I don’t like it when I’m happy. I don’t like being stabilized. I think I had always been like that when I was with someone that I love. For instance, I would enjoy spending time with my girlfriend, but at the same time, I would be nervous. I was restless and feeling the need to find something to work on. I hated myself for being so relaxed.

Q. Why can’t you enjoy your happiness?

CSH: Hmm… Maybe to live happily in the future? I still don’t know why. I feel like I was born that way. I am just the type that cannot enjoy stability or happiness.

Q. You seem happy when you’re on stage singing, and you seem like you’re enjoying it too.

CSH: Yes. That’s when I’m the most relaxed.

Q. How about while you’re acting?

CSH: I am the most relaxed when I’m in front of the camera. I love it when I am focused on acting.

Q. When I listen to your story, I think that you’re the type to feel relaxed when you know that you’re doing your best on something.

CSH: Ah, you’re right! I think I’m like that.

Q. Let’s talk about the movie ‘Commitment’. Is it different to be on stage for a release of a new movie than for a release of a new album?

CSH: First of all, when I’m singing one stage, I don’t get tired. Because I can breathe with the audience and get feedback from them. If the audience doesn’t show any reaction, I think ‘Huh? They are not responding? Should I change the way I’m doing this?’ or ‘Wow! They’re responding now that I’m doing this!’ The catharsis that I experience is amazing. Not to mean it in a bad way, but I feel like a trainer on a horse. A movie, on the other hand, feels like I’m undergoing a spiritual training. Because there is no immediate reaction from the audience, I need some self-suggestion to prevent myself from being worn out. When you show the work that you have been doing for months, you can be denounced by the public at once, or receive applause. The ways that I feel a sense of accomplishment are very different.

Q. You might feel that a movie is futile, then.

CSH: I am a little bit mad right now. I’ve been feeling this way since the morning of the press preview, and as time passes, I’m getting angrier. I don’t even know why. Is it because that I had gone through a lot of hardships filming this movie for more than a year? I feel very sensitive and sharp. (Q. Were you like this before you watched the movie?) Yes, even before I watched the movie. I was getting angrier once I started watching it.

Q. What made you so angry while you were watching the movie?

CSH: I was mad at myself for looking out whether there were people playing on their cell phones during the movie. Someone was having popcorn, and I wasn’t getting mad at that person, but at myself for minding something like that. Everything just made me angry.

Q. How was it during ’71 Into the Fire’?

CSH: Back then, I think it was clearer. It was just so fascinating to see myself in a large screen. It was embarrassing too. But after I received a serval awards with ’71 Into the Fire,’ I gained some responsibilities. I felt the need to approach the works more seriously. I think movies are like that. The process of building a character through a lot of thinking is great, but as you’re doing that, you become sensitive.

Q. Do you sometimes think ‘Does this career make me happy?’? You might question yourself, ‘Why am I doing things that are making me sensitive?’

CSH: It’s great that you asked that question. I’ve been thinking about that the last couple of days. In the end, I wasn’t happy. I think it was not only because I was under pressure, but also because my love for this work was so big. I feel a strong attachment to Lee Myung Hoon because I’ve been building the character up one by one for a long time. It feels like I am throwing out a character that’s almost like my son into the streets, naked. I have mixed feelings.

Q. Have you looked up some reviews of the movie?

CSH: Yes I have. So I’m getting angrier. I am not getting mad at people talking about the quality of the movie. The feeling of being evaluated on something that I’ve been working on for a long time with all my passion and soul at once was weird. To be honest, I don’t like audition programs like ‘K-Pop Star.’ I am careful to say this, because it’s a program that many of my seniors are making appearance in, but that’s my true feeling. To evaluate people who have been preparing themselves to become a singer for a long time, just for the fun of the program, and of course it’s because the producers are making people do that, but evaluating those people in the first place is risky. Giving advice is good, but rebuke is very dangerous. No one knows what those challengers will become. For me, I cannot understand how the people’s talents can be evaluated by individual subjectivity.

Q. You might feel that way because you’ve become Big Bang through the same way.

CSH: You’re right. Because I understand the suffering and pain so well. There’s something like that.

Q. I thought ‘Choi Seung Hyun is really going at it,’ when I watched the movie. I also thought, ‘Did that actor always have so much desires?’ Are you the type to throw yourself into everything that you do, or was it because there was something special about ‘Commitment’?

CSH: I felt that I wouldn’t be able to act in this movie without being like that. When I first met Lee Myung Hoon through script, I thought that I could easily go wrong and express him simply as an absent-minded boy. There weren’t a lot of lines for him. So I tried to express things using my eyes, and I became sensitive as I was doing that. Sometimes, it felt as if I was having a concert with just the accompaniment, without any lyrics. Lee Myung Hoon’s actions were important since there weren’t a lot of lines for him, and I needed to balance them out. Not too much, not too little. It was very hard.

Q. You’re in almost every scene of the movie. So it must have been even more difficult.

CSH: Honestly, I didn’t know that I would be in so many scenes like that. On the script, Lee Myung Hoon’s part was only like 60-70%. I was surprised when I watched the movie.

Q. I think that the director loved Choi Seung Hyun. Instead of simply listing cool action scenes, I could see that he tried to give a lot of sense of emotions to Lee Myung Hoon.

CSH: ‘Commitment’ is director Park Hong Soo’s debut film. It’s his first movie, first actor, and first character, so he had a special attachment to the character. As an actor, I am very thankful. However, his strong attachment to the character was a great pressure for me. (laughs) Lee Myung Hoon is a secretive character. He looks strong, but to the audience, I wanted to show some child-like sides of him. He is trying to look tough, but he is sad in the inside. I thought that was Lee Myung Hoon’s charm, so I tried my best to make facial expressions that only the audience could read.

Q. Park Eun Kyung from The Lamp, the production company of the movie ‘Commitment’ said “Compared to other actors of his age, Choi Seung Hyun has an outstanding ability to concentrate and interpret scenarios.” Now I can tell why she said that. Where did you learn how to interpret scenarios?

CSH: You can’t leave out the fact that I am a musician. I am an actor that moves with sensibility than techniques. Also, I liked watching movies ever since I was young. I would take some gestures from movie scenes to use them on stage, and study famous characters from movies and bring them into myself. Things like that would have developed my analytical ability.

Q. As for your impression, I think that your eyes are very important. After the preview of ‘Commitment,’ people mostly talked about ‘Choi Seung Hyun’s eyes’. What are some things that are important for an actor other than eyes? If you could choose between ‘vocalization,’ ‘sensibility,’ ‘sincerity,’ ’acting ability’ and ‘analytical ability’?

CSH: Out of those, I would say sincerity. Though having a good analytical ability is very important, in some ways, that’s an ability that a producer should have. Actors do need to have the ability too, but since that’s more for the producer, it wouldn’t be that. The reason why the audience cries when they watch singers from ‘I Am a Singer’ is because of sincerity. We don’t cry when we’re watching SBS ‘Inkigayo’ or MBC ‘Show! Music Core’. That’s the difference. It doesn’t matter what kind of techniques you have, if you are sincere, you can touch the hearts of the audience.

Q. How much do you think you expressed your sincerity in ‘Commitment’?

CSH: I tried to show 100% of my ability.

Q. Lee Myung Hoon is a character that requires more self-control than expressive emotions. How about you? Do you often express your feelings?

CSH: I am very honest about my feelings. My emotions are surfaced on my face. I can’t hide my emotions. I am bad at lying too.

Q. Sometimes, being too open about your own feelings can make others uncomfortable.

CSH: I always make others uncomfortable. (laughs) I try to hide emotions, but I just can’t. If I go to a drinking party, people say: “Relax and make yourself at home!”, “I am very relaxed right now”, “But you look so uncomfortable?” (laughs)

Q. What kind of things make you uncomfortable?

CSH: Unfamiliar situations. I fall into a state of panic in unfamiliar situations. Unfamiliar situations that I face while I work are fine. Because I can just use my energy to concentrate on the work. The problem is when I am faced with unfamiliar situations in my daily life. I use my energy to prevent myself from being flustered by the situation. I think it’s a waste of energy. I would like to use the energy more efficiently. That’s the reason why I like spending time alone.

Q. ‘WHO IS NEXT:WIN’ reminded me of Big Bang’s past. There were many scenes where the challengers said, “Let’s not forget our initial determination.” But to be honest, it’s not easy to do that in this field. What was it like for you? You would have changed a lot since the beginning.

CSH: You change. As your horizons expand, you change. First of all, a man named Choi Seung Hyun became a little boy. As I live more as T.O.P, Choi Seung Hyun is still resting on the spot. So that made me have useless complaints and mood swings. On the other hand, T.O.P’s horizons have expanded. If you say it in a good way, he has matured musically. In the end, what is important is to juggle between me from my everyday life and me on stage, and that is what is called a skill. Self-management, that’s what we do.

Q. You are 27. What do you think of the age 27?

CSH: It’s the age when you become braver. Many say that you’re the bravest when you are 20 or 21, but that’s when you are fiery and fervent. Right now, it’s about becoming brave by fully understanding the direction you are going. In a way, everything since the debut of Big Bang was just a warmup. I think that I’m finally opening my eyes to the things that only I can do. To me, that’s the age 27.

Q. Is there an age that you’re looking forward to?

CSH: Forty. When I look in the mirrors by then, I would right away know how I have lived my life. I will take a look at the ambience of myself, and decide whether I will carry on with my career.

Q. What! Are you saying that you may be thinking of quitting this career one day?

CSH: Yes. I want to age with grace. So if my body and spirit becomes exhausted, I don’t think I will continue making appearances to the audience.

Q. If you decide to change your career then, what would you do?

CSH: I want to study things that I like. Things like furniture design or architecture. (He said that he likes architect Jean Prouvé.)

Q. That’s cool too, but I prefer seeing T.O.P being happy as a musician and as an actor. By the way, you are not very good at looking at me in the eyes?

CSH: Haha. Yes, I am like that. I can’t even look at people I’m close to in their eyes. I try, but I can’t. You know, the feeling that your thoughts will be revealed if you look at the other person’s eyes. Ah, I think too much. (laughs)